Life in The Mansion
by Nimbus Wolf
Summary: An amusing story featuring our favorite characters behind the scenes. There are some children of the smashers that are O.C.
1. Game Night

**Hello. I don't think you really care what I have to say, but I'll talk anyway. I wanted this fic (which was also written a long time ago...no, it's not an excuse for poor writing) to be something other than a "crack" story. A fanfiction can be funny, but also not so stupid that you run away after the first chapter and flame it in the review section. SSB fictions could be really funny, that is, if people spend the time to think up a general direction for it. That being said, this turned out to be an example of one of those stories.**

**Excuse the aweful O.C.s. Back in the day, I actually believed in pairings and in-character children.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Nintendo, it's characters, or Super Smash Brothers.**

Kirby, Pikachu, and Yoshi sat in the oversized plain kitchen of the smash mansion, playing a somewhat civilized match of Candy Land. Twas' a peaceful night, until Pikachu managed to jinx the die with electricity, landing his overly joyful yellow piece of plastic on King Candy's castle, therefore, saving King Candy himself from ultimate doom. The King, however, was absolutely depressed. His daughter, Princess Lolly, told him to find something else to do with his worthless existence other than pretending that he's missing and eating candy like a sugar deprived monkey.

("Oh my GOSH Kirby would you STOP it! And I didn't cheat!") Pikachu yelled at the top of his pokemon lungs.

The big pounding voice known as the narrator stopped, "What, I'm just setting the mood."

Pikachu sighed and said, ("Well it's getting annoying! All four of those suicidal readers out there are trying to enjoy this stupid one chapter story! But all of their dedication goes to waste because they realize this is just a dumb fan fiction, narrated by a gay pink little fluff ball!")

("What fan fiction?") Yoshi said.

There was a long eerie silence.

Kirby turned an angry red, "I am not gay!"

("Yes you are! You're all pink!") Pikachu pointed.

"No I am not! I have a wife and two children." Kirby produced a wallet full of pictures out of nowhere from his head/body.

Pikachu and Yoshi stared. Kirby did, indeed, have a life.

Pikachu complained ("Nintendo gave you a family! That's not fair! All I have is a creepy little mini me that's out to kill me. I think I ran him over with a tractor last year…")

FLASHBACK

Pikachu ran around the lawn of the smash mansion with an utterly insane look on his face. The rodent with the lawnmower was gaining on Pichu.

("I HOPE YOU DIE YOU GIRLY LITTLE FREAK!") Pikachu yelled.

From a distance, Popo and Nana watched lazily on the roof.

"/\/006." Popo sighed.

"R0fl…" Nana mused.

END OF FLASHBACK

("Oh my gosh is that your mother in law?") Yoshi poked at the picture.

The three went silent. No one moved. Not even a mouse. Then Santa Clause shouted, "Merry Christm-," Shoot, I'm off of the subject.

Yoshi still stood in front of Kirby waiting for an answer. "Oh, uh…erm…no! Of course not! She's my…er…brother's monkey's friend's neighbor's horse's apprentice!"

Kirby stuttered. He hoped the other two would believe him. _'Nah,'_ He thought, _'Even an idiot could figure out I'm lying. I'm doomed._'

Yoshi's face brightened ("Hey! I didn't know you had one of those! Mine's Norwegian.") He said with a smile.

Pikachu gasped ("Really?! Mine's Czech!")

Kirby laughed and said, "Well mine's- wait a second." He stopped to remind himself he didn't really have a brother's monkey's friend's neighbor's horse's apprentice. "Nevermind! Let's get back to the game. Who's next?" He said quickly.

Yoshi rubbed his head, ("Uhhh, well let's see. It was Pikachu's turn right before Kirby, who was not really Kirby and was just the narrator, said that Pikachu had cheated and moved the dice with electricity and that King Candy was depressed.")

Kirby took the die from the table, "Ok then, it's my turn. Someone needs to buy the King some Zoloft."

Yoshi put his elbow on the table ("Well, they had a huge supply, for unknown reasons, hidden in the kingdom. But, from what I've heard, someone that looked like a bird from Fox's crew had stolen it.")

Falco's hushed voice came from the refrigerator, "My precious…" Yoshi noticed it for a moment, and then shrugged.

After he saw that Kirby had rolled, Pikachu said ("Hey! I already won!")

Kirby ignored him, "You've been cheating and 'winning' for the past HOUR. Honestly, Pikachu, we aren't THAT stupid."

Nearby, Yoshi was drinking milk through his nose and watching it come out of his mouth ("Hey, I think this improves my eyesight or something!")

Pikachu raised an eyebrow ("You were saying?")

Kirby's eye twitched, "Well that's Yoshi."

The green dinosaur turned around with two straws stuck up his nose ("Hey check this out! I'm talented!")

Having an idea for once, Yoshi yanked the straws out of his nostrils and stood up, whacking his head on the light bulb over it. ("I swear…") He got back up on his turquoise retro chair and said ("I have an idea!")

Kirby and Pikachu exchanged glances. Yoshi couldn't think. Let alone come up with ideas. Most of the information he gave out was random. In fact, it is well known that Yoshi brains are hidden in the depths of their noses.

THE Yoshi winked ("It's the most spectacular, most fantabulous, bestest, fruitiest, most delicious, challenging, happy, sad, romantic, most home made, pesky, smelly, idea ever!")

Kirby and Pikachu shouted simultaneously, "WHAT IS IT?!"

("I forgot.") Yoshi drew a hand to his chin, stroking an imaginary beard.

Both Kirby and Pikachu sank down into their chairs.

"Now what?" Kirby said.

Pikachu said, "I know!" and exited the room into the closet and came out with a box labeled **MONOPOLY: SICK HOMO VERSION**.

"I told you I'm not-," Kirby was about to say he wasn't gay for the umpteenth time, but Pikachu glanced at the box for a second time and smiled, turning pink ("Oh, er…sorry I'm color blind.")

He quickly ran out of the room again and reentered with another box labeled **MONOPOLY: PINK FLUFFY VERSION**.

Yoshi squinted at the pink wording ("Who the heck bought that anyway?") He said, with the handle of a skillet in his mouth.

Kirby noticed his green friend, "Yoshi? Where did you get that?"

("Uhhhh, I found it.") He said twiddling his fingers ("You want one?") Yoshi said, offering a skillet.

Kirby nodded eagerly, "Okay!"

Kirby watched Pikachu walk off to the other room again. He was muttering ("I have got to stop doing this.")

Yoshi called after him ("Ya know, milk can cure that if you put it up your nose.")

After that a long line of odd **MONOPOLY **games kept appearing in Pikachu's hands after exiting and reentering the kitchen. There was **MONOPOLY: LET'S BE A TREE VERSION** and **MONOPOLY: GOTH VERSION **and **MONOPOLY: PIKACHU CAN'T SEE VERSION** ("Hey!")

Yoshi finally got fed up with it and said ("What the heck?! Let me go get it!")

He stomped over to the door with Pikachu, walked in, and gasped.

Gannon had a bib and an apron on him, holding a teacup in one hand, and **MONOPOLY: BEACHBOY LINK VERSION** in the other.

("Ganondorf?! What are you doing in the closet?") Yoshi's mouth was gaping, causing him to drop the skillet on Pikachu's head.

("Ow,") muttered the rodent.

"Moo," said the cow.

"Quack," said the duck.

"I was having happy time with Link…" Ganondorf moaned.

("Oh for the love of Pete, the guy's MARRIED!!") Yoshi said, waving his arms everywhere.

Yoshi looked around, and then pulled out Layla in her jammies, who was just passing by, from behind him. "Hey, Yoshi, what the-," She stopped struggling and stared at the 'happy time' Ganondorf, "Oh my godesses! No wonder Dad's afraid of you!"

Yoshi let go of her. ("See?")

Ganondorf just ignored them and slowly closed the closet door. From the outside, it sounded like he was singing, "Someday, we'll be together…"

Layla shivered, "Disturbing thought of the day." She walked over to the refrigerator and opened it. Falco fell out, along with a giant fish stuffed with Zoloft. Then a frozen giraffe, and a peacock with a screwdriver attached. But if you didn't act now, the special offer might end. Layla thought it was a bargain and pulled out the remains of the milk, "What happened to the Lonlon milk Auntie Malon sent?"

Kirby looked at Pikachu. Then Pikachu looked at Captain Falcon, who looked at DK, who said, "Bananas."

Then Yoshi shrugged ("It improves your eyesight when sniffed up your nostrils.") He said in a rather chipper mood.

Layla smiled, "Yeah! And did you hear that if you soak in it for twelve hours and thirty six seconds exactly at the crack of dawn you'll have better longer lasting feet?"

("No.") Yoshi said dryly.

Kirby gave Layla a strange look ("Have you been listening to Bowser?")

"Maybe," Layla said innocently.

FLASHBACK

"And at the crack of dawn, I had better, longer lasting feet…" Bowser waved his arms around mysteriously.

"Cool…" Layla and her twin Ravi said in amazement.

END OF FLASHBACK

"Yeah...I have to get to bed. Mum thinks I have the cucco pocks." The princess said, changing the subject. Not that there was a subject. She started out the door to the kitchen with her glass of milk muttering to herself and mysteriously scratching the back of her neck. And her arm. And her leg. And her feet.

"Crazy Mom always being a worry wart...'Don't do this! Don't do that! Gross, use a tissue! Oh dear, you're sick! Stop scratching! Go to bed! Take a bath you smell!' Geez, Ya think she'd be in the institution by now." And with that, she was gone.

"Cucco pocks?" Kirby said worridly.

("Hylian chicken pocks. Don't worry, they have the same effects as our chicken pocks, only they last for one day.") Yoshi said, intending it to be reassuring.

But, of course, it wasn't. Kirby, so to speak, had an 'interesting' past with the chicken pocks. Just realizing of about how much of his reputation and dignity he was going to lose in the next few days, Kirby braced himself.

"Holy crap!!" Yoshi backed away in horror. Pikachu shouted some nasty Pokemon swears. The tofu eating Mewtwo whispered, "Oh dear..." Falco shoved his head back into the freezer. Ganondorf passed out. The twins shielded each other's eyes. Not good. Not good at all.

**They're just so cute...**


	2. Fan Mail

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Nintendo, it's characters, or Super Smash Brothers**

* * *

Marth, Link, and the inevitable Roy were walking down the hallway, chatting as usual, and also hiding mischievous looks. They were up to something.

"So why aren't you going to the Smash Festival this year, Marth?" Link asked.

There weren't many smashers in the hallway, only a few of the adults. Zelda was checking to see if Layla and Ravi were in bed. The boys didn't have much time.

"Ah, well, the wife and kid at home you know?"

"Marth, you don't HAVE any kids. Or a wife. Let alone a girlfriend," Roy said.

Fox Mccloud and his son, Star, were just coming down the red carpeted hallway, decorated with various smash pictures. (Some of the photographs were indeed disturbing, from the different escapades of the smash brothers. Then again, some were cute. And some, they say, 'were just downright ugly,' referring to the one now plastered above Captain Falcon's door.)

They were just returning from their evening Arwing flight training. Star looked very similar to his father, save for an indigo star just above his brow. Strangely, everyone knew exactly why he had earned the name.

"I know, it attracts the ladies."

"Ugh...Marth! If the 'ladies' think you're married-,"

"Oh wow that's a great idea Marth!" Roy shouted, cutting off Link, who was in the process of saying something sensible for once in his life.

"So you are going?" Link sighed.

"Yeah yeah..." Marth said idly, trying to fix a strand of his hair that didn't go into sector B-4 of his scalp. He thought it got quite annoying, seeing that he put **Falcon Fresh, Silky Smoothe,** in his hair today. He knew he should have gotten **Falcon Fresh, Shiny**. The only reason why he talked himself out of it in the store that day was because **Falcon Fresh, Silky Smoothe** was peachy watermelon scented.

"Should have gotten shiny..." Marth sighed whistfully.

"What?" Link turned around like lightening to look at Marth.

"Heh...My umm window is errrr dirty and I ummm forgot to wash...it...with the right kind of Windex! Yeah!" He tried to jumble something together so that Link and Roy wouldn't know. They wouldn't understand...Marth knew his hair and he could never be together.

"Marth you're crying." Link swung back around and kept walking.

"Roy!" Marth shouted.

"Oh yeah." Roy didn't really want his onions anyway so he threw them at Mr. Game & Watch. The black character couldn't help but say 'Ouch' in his native tongue. No one understood.

"Beep!"

Suddenly, and very coincidentally, Layla, Ravi, Maya, Pastachio, and Rose walked out of different doors in the hallway. All six of the children in the hallway had their sleepy eyes wide in shock from the recent abuse of language. Rose gagged, Maya yelled, "Mom! Get the plasma gun!" The twins tried stepping back into the room as calmly as possible. Pastachio whispered, "Sweet mama mia..."

"Oh for the love of Farore, Mr. Game & Watch!" Link threw a boomerang at him, knocking the poor pixelated being to the ground. Princess Peach walked out of her room and slapped the person.

"You should be ashamed of yourself!"

Zelda furiously unleashed a multitude of Din's fire on him.

"And in front of the children!"

"Clear the hallway!" Samus jumped sideways out of her room and shot out a giant blast of plasma from her cannon. The whole room shook violently for a while until the blinding light had finally cleared. Mr. Game & Watch sat motionless on the other side in shock. Fox took out his blaster.

"My turn!"

After partially regaining consciousness from Samus' new Plasma gun, Mr. Game & Watch prepared himself for another onslaught of gunfire. He shakingly stood up again, only to be hit by a huge purple ball of psychic energy.

"You are a disgrace to nature and all humanity."

Mewtwo levitated away, chuckling, "Infidels..."

Then, after being hit by a boomerang, slapped, burned to a crisp, almost disintegrated, shot, psychically challenged, and brutally insulted, Mr. Game & Watch was barely standing and wavering in the air like a thin piece of paper. He dizzily started for Dr. Mario's office, but was caught by Bowser. For the heck of it, the Koopa King punched him to the ground again.

"Haha, Wait to go, Mr. Game and Suck."

From a distance, Popo and Nana watched lazily on the roof.

"/\/\jr pw/\/93." Popo sighed.

"5w337…" Nana mused.

* * *

Link, Marth, and Roy casually continued down the hallway, passing Doctor Mario's office. Mr. Game & Watch twitched helplessly on the floor crawling towards it, only to be run over by Yoshi and Pikachu rushing a mobile bed with a horrifically hairy round puffball thingie sitting on top of it.

("It's alright, buddy! Everything's gonna be okay!") Yoshi said worriedly, patting Kirby on the...well...I don't know what body part that was. We'll call it a bleeper. Pikachu nodded and rubbed Kirby's bleeper.

"Heh, that is the most bleepnest bleepy bleeper I have EVER layed eyes on!" Roy said in awe at the bleeper.

"He looks like that time he got drunk and swallowed D.K. using a pitchfork with a splinter," Marth recalled that night when he ALMOST set the world record for 'most hair gel consumed.' Good times...

"Oh geez, it looks fatal. I just hope his bleeper's ok." Link said in concern.

"Hey, nice bleeper!" Falco said, passing by.

When they finally reached Link's room it was pretty late. Like late late. Late late late late. REALLY REALLY LATE. LATE LIKE THE WORLD IS GONNA SET ON FIRE OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!

"Eh, it's pretty late. Zelda'll be back in a while anyway..Shouldn't we just wait till tomorrow night?" Marth plopped down onto the bed beside Link.

Over on the other side of the room Roy started singing, "Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I'll love ya! Tomorrow! You're always a DAYAWAY!!!!"

"Naw, Roy might forget that we're doing this again and wander out into the streets. Hand me the decoy." Link said, pointing to the gay magazine cover he'd put on top of the REAL magazine...it was all so inconspicuous! !!! Marth threw it at him and Roy handed Link the tape.

"Uhhhh, Roy? Where did you get this tape?" Link asked quizzically looking at the slimy filth ridden piece of...we won't get to that.

"Zelda's drawer!" Roy said happily! -Felt like putting that in there. Makes it sound happy...and pretty oh so pretty and witty and Gay!

Link looked at him suspiciously.

"You haven't been sniffing her...stuff lately, have you?"

FLASHBACK

Link burst into Roy's bathroom.

"Hey, Roy, you said you'd be out in a sec-Oh my gosh is that Zelda's-?"

Roy smirked timidly and took another wiff of Zelda's-.

"It smells like fresh cut tiger skin..."

"Really? Let me try!"

END OF DISTURBING FLASHBACK

"Aw, come on Link! That was, what, seven years ago?" Roy pleaded.

"Yeah and it's still smells grea- I mean, yeah but it's still a bad thing to do. Zelda thought I was a pervert and left me to rot like Captain Falcon for a month."

"Whatever, just tape the decoy on," Marth said. Link neatly (Link's a neat freak.) taped every edge and centimeter and millimeter and micrometer of the stinking cover. Slowly and carefully, he opened the pages of the magazine to player's pulse...

* * *

"Dear Marth, is your hair alive?"

"Why ye-ERM NO IT'S DEFINATLY NOT ALIVE NOPE NOPE NOPE!"

"Dear Link, get some pants on."

"Never! Muahahahahahaha!"

"Dear Roy, what is life and it's meaning?"

"What's a life?"

"Dear Marth, What would YOU do for a Klondike bar?"

"Stub my toe, curse and swear, take a bite out of it, then spit it out just because I forgot I hate Klondike bars."

Dear Roy, what is 1+1?

"My head hurts."

"Dear Link, Do you hate your son because he's emo?"

"...He's emo?"

* * *

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

"Honey, are you replying to player's pulse with the boys again even though I told you not to?" It was Zelda's voice. Dang...

"Quick! Hide it in the magazine rack!" Marth pointed to the wicker basket next to the bed. Link nodded and shoved it in there just in time to hop on the couch next to Marth and Roy and smile innocently for Zelda. She walked in, with a suspicious look on her face. Then she smiled to seeing the old fashioned ugly (yet convenient) **Monopoly:Ganondorf** version on the coffee table.

"Oh, I'm so glad you guys are using that **Monopoly** game Ganondorf gave us last year! Who won?"

"Ehhhhhhh...ermmmm..." Marth stuttered.

"Tie!" Link smiled fakely.

Confused, Zelda stared at him, waiting for an explanation.

"Your shoes Roy! Tie your shoes!" Link came up with an answer as quickly as possible.

Roy gave him a blank look, "But I'm wearing boots-"

"Oh yeah ummmm I won!" Marth tried to cover Roy's comment.

"Good for you Marth! I think I'll just go get ready for bed." She walked away into the bathroom, leaving Marth, Link, and Roy.

"A COOKIE!!!!!" Roy plucked one of the flowers from a vase on the coffee table and started chewing on it.

"I think we should go; he always gets like this when he hasn't had his pills," Marth gestured towards Roy, who for some reason was worshiping the lamp. Link nodded and watched as Marth dragged Roy out of the room.

* * *

Layla sat on top of the bunk bed that she and her brother shared. She couldn't go to sleep. It was just too boring. Everything was too boring. This mansion. This city. Her life. Her father always sparred with Ravi in the morning. He always sat next to him, practiced songs with him, talked with him...Layla sighed. She needed something exciting. And fast. What was wrong? Why couldn't she ever satisfy her hungry appetite for adventure? Why wasn't **anything** exciting?

She smirked.

All she had to do was **make **it exciting.

She jumped off of the bunk bed, and looked at her brother. He was sleeping soundly like an 'angel.' Or that's at least what her mother thought. Layla licked her lips.

_Perfect._

She found a bucket and filled it with water from the toilet. Then she took some old **SPAM** from the refrigerator and stuffed it in a slingshot. She found a few alarm clocks and attached some string. Everything was finished. Now all she had to do was sneak through the hallway. Layla walked over to the door and reached for the handle, crossing her fingers.

* * *

"Hey, Marth?" Roy asked while sitting in his bed across from his room mate.

Marth, half asleep, groaned, "Yeah?"

"Does our dog have rabies?"

Marth sighed; he'd have to up Roy's med dosage...AGAIN.

"Roy we don't _have _a dog."

"Yes we do."

Marth really didn't need this tonight. Tomorrow was the father-son golf tournament. He and Roy would be ultimately criticized for not coming along with a kid. They had actually considered paying Ness to act for them, but the idiot had asked for a little more money than they had planned...say...$5,000 more than they had planned. Okay, $20,000 more than they had planned. Fine, $200,000 more...the little freak.

"Alright, Roy. **How **in the world did we end up with a dog?"

"Well, he just followed me home one day and I decided to call him Ralph. Don't you remember him? We used to feed him **SPAM**. He's about ye high..."

"We don't have a dog named Ralph that ate **SPAM** and was 'ye high!' Now go to sleep!"

"Alright I'll admit his name was actually Tyson and he was more like this high," Roy said making a much larger measurement in the air than the last.

Marth jumped out of his bed and yelled, "Fine, show me where the heck the stupid dog is!"

Roy casually skipped out of bed and led Math to his closet.

Roy stopped him just in front of it and held up his hands in caution, "Now be very quiet; Tyson doesn't want to be woken up."

Marth rolled his eyes, "Just open the door so I can see the almighty 'Tyson.'"

"Okay..." Roy pushed open the closet door and let Marth gasp. A gargantuan koopa much larger than Bowser sat crunched in the closet, fangs exposed, claws sticking out, spikes bloodied, and I must say a complete lack of cleanliness! I mean, look at that ground in plack! And did you even see that fungal infection over there? This guy just needs some health care; Roy's closet wasn't the neatest place anyway, but at least a few showers a day wouldn't hurt anything! And to top it off, a pair of flame boxers were draped above his head like a crown.

"Eeep..." Marth sqeekd...skeweeked...squeakd...squawked...darn it all, he screamed like a little girl.

Roy was so busy gloating with his victory over insanity and Marth was so busy wetting his pants that they didn't see Layla walk in with a fairy slingshot and some **SPAM**...

* * *

Link propped himself up on a pillow next to Zelda on the bed. She had her glasses on, reading **Queen Weekly**. Link sighed and reached into the rack next to his night stand for a magazine and pulled out a strange book with a gay magazine cover taped on the front...Zelda raised an eyebrow at Link's choice of material.

He smiled innocently, "Ehehe...I have absolutely no idea where this came from." Link sadly tossed it into the trash can and got out a newspaper, **Heroic Times**. He turned to the golf section and started reading.

"I'm hungry for donuts." Zelda said randomly. Link threw her an odd look.

"Okay..."

"I'll go get some tomorrow morning with Ravi and the girls. We're going to the mall you know."

Link nearly jumped, "But tomorrow's the father-son golf tournament! I won't have anyone to take with me and I'll be mocked along with Roy and Marth!"

"Hmmmmm..." Zelda thought, filling in a sodoku square on the magazine, "You could take Layla. I think she'd enjoy it a lot more than Ravi would."

Link sighed, "Zel, don't kid yourself. Layla is a **girl**."

"I know that! Those idiots could let one measly girl play. And besides, she's a much better player than any of those other wimps." Zelda put away the magazine and turned off the light.

"Well, she's also a demon; the worst temper in Hyrule. You in Wind Waker was bad, but this? Let's just say, I'll be fried cuccoo by the end of the day."

"You won't be fried cuccoo."

"You're right; I'll be a shishkabob."

Zelda looked straight into his eyes, "She really wants to be with you. Don't let her down."

He turned around, considered it, then said, "If I get one scratch on me..."

Zelda laughed, "Thanks Link. I promise you, she's really a good girl at heart."

There was a knock at the door. Zelda sat up and yelled, "Who is it?"

It swung open, revealing poor Ravi, soaked in sewer water and covered in toilet paper. Behind them in the now demolished hallway a distraught Star and Pastachio were running back and forth screaming bloody murder. And there, standing right behind Ravi with a roll of toilet paper carefully concealed behind her, was Layla, grinning deviously.

From a distance, Popo and Nana watched lazily on the roof.

"\/\/07f 80y 937z 73(-) 0\/\//\/93." Popo sighed.

"101." Nana mused.

** She really did a number on the mansion this time.**

** Popo trans.: (Wolf boy gets the ownage)**


	3. Golf Tournament

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Nintendo, it's characters, or Super Smash Brothers.**

**NOTE: ["Blah."] = background noise. Don't get it confused with the actual dialogue.**

* * *

"So whadda ya think is gonna be for breakfast this morning?" Star asked prince Pastachio (of the mushroom kingdom) and Mew. They were, in fact, on their way to breakfast. In the morning. (Wow. What am I saying?)

"Ehhh...I hope it's-a pancakes. With-a nice-a, flowing sticky syrup..." Pastachio fantasized, rubbing his tummy. Mew's eyes started glowing for a second, then they subsided when he concluded, "No, Pasta, it's last Monday's french toast with runny watery syrup." The prince sighed. Just then, a familiar girl with brown hair rushed out her room, skipping to put her boot on in time and yelling curses at Ravi for locking the bathroom door.

"Hey, guys! Wait up!" She shouted across the hallway. They didn't wait.

"Oh, God. It's that he-she again," Star said in annoyance. The girl always tried to talk to them and sit at their table. Somehow, she was finally able to make Pastachio smack his head on the table repeatedly despite his naturally calm plumber's attitude. Mew clenched his fists and said, "Ugh! Because of her Mewtwo and I didn't get an ounce of sleep! I don't know **how **Ravi can put up with her!" Pastachio lowered his voice to a whisper.

"Shhhhhh, she's-a coming. Just-a ignore her."

Sure enough, Layla came up behind them, panting.

"Hey, guys! Wanna hear some great news? I'm comin' to the golf tournament too!" The boys sighed inwardly. The golf tournament was supposed to let them have time away from her. Now they'd have to sit and listen to her annoying voice the whole day.

"And just **how** were you able to get into a **father-son** golf tournament, meaning no girls?" Mew said in his usual icy tone.

"Well, Mom decided to take dog-breath shopping with her girly friends. So I'm gonna get to go in his place! Isn't that great?!"

"That's-a nice," Pasta said sarcastically.

"So what are we goin' to do at the table today?" Layla said optimistically, "Make nasty concoctions and eat them, or bend the spoons, or maybe even start a food fight!"

"Please...I get mental stress from things that don't shut up..." Mew said inaudibly. Well, _almost_ inaudibly. Seeing they weren't going to talk to her, Layla stayed quiet and slunk behind them.

At breakfast, Layla sat alone at an empty table, twirling her toast around with her fork. She couldn't talk to anyone; not that she did normally anyway. She was sad Maya wasn't here to mindlessly rant about her mother's, Samus', machine parts, but at least it would keep her company. And maybe every once and a while her brother would sit next to her and start cracking bad jokes to cheer her.

Then the next best thing came over and sat down across from her. And on both sides of her. Basically filling the whole table.

Marth, Roy, Y.L., and Link plopped down with a bunch of orange juice containers, laughing like drunks. Not that they weren't drunks. Now that I think about it...they were. A little. And that is a lot in their book. But at five o' clock in the morning? Really...

Just then, the booming, but panicked, voice of Master Hand crackled onto the cafeteria's speaker system.

"DUE TO A FREAK ACCIDENT, ALL ORANGE JUICES IN THE MANSION HAVE BEEN SPIKED. DO NOT DRINK THEM. THERE ARE COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF PREMIUM, TASTY, EXHILLERATING MILLER LITE IN THOSE TINY CONTAINERS, LOCATED IN AISLE FIVE, SECTION "B" OF THE CAFETERIA. ONE MUST ONLY HAVE THE COURAGE TO WALK OVER THERE AND PICK UP A BOX TO ENJOY ITS SWEET TASTE. AGAIN, PLEASE DO NOT DRINK THEM. THANK YOU."

A chorus of cheers rang out in the cafeteria.

_["Party like a rockstar!! Whoooo!! Yeah!! I am finally getting the HELL OUTTA HERE!" ]_

"How's it goin', little lady?" Roy said to Layla in a western accent.

"I think she's caught a cold, Roy!" Y.L. Said, nudging Layla.

Because of the night before, Marth was in Japanese mode this morning.

"Koniichiwaaaaaa Onigashimawa NIHOU ma ARIGATOU LAYLA-CHAN??"

"They're asking why you're so sad," Link explained, rubbing his temples.

"Oh well, it's nothing..." She said in a quiet voice, turning around to watch D.K. eat a bannana. He was sitting next to Falco and Wario, who were eating their food in a disturbing manner. Falco got up to go to the bathroom, and, while he was gone, Wario had picked his nose and shoved whatever came out of it (a sink, some toilet paper, jar of pickles...etc.) in Falco's breakfast. She grimaced.

_["Peachy, my dear, I have a little something for you..."_

"_Orange juice? Oh, Bowser, you shouldn't have!"_

"_DON'T-A DRINK IT-A PRINCESS-A!!!"]_

Roy patted her on the back, "Awww, come on! It's okay, Lay!"

_["Quick, Falco, get as many as you can! I gotta get smashed before that bastard son of mine gets back!"]_

"You can tell ol' Uncle Link and Grandma Roy any ol' thing!" Y.L. said, emphasizing "Grandma."

"Hey! I'm not a grandma! Who said I was a grandma?" Roy stabbed a fork in Y.L.'s toast.

"Oh, come ON, Roy! You walk around your room in a thong, you give whatever random person that passes your door cookies, and you're a pyromaniac!" Roy tackled Y.L. to the ground.

"No one, NO ONE, brings Mr. Flamy into this conversation and gets away with it!"

"ORLY?"

"YA RLY!"

"ORLY?"

"O RLY?????? Oh wait...YA RLY!"

Layla chuckled at the two boys fighting on the floor.

"So, Layla, what's really wrong? Those boys weren't being jerks to you again, were they?" Marth took a sip of his juice while he watched a few black cloaked people pick up the mess on the table.

"...sorta," Layla said quietly.

"Don't tell my great beautiful little Heroine is being brought down by a couple of small timers," Link said, putting an arm around Layla.

"I can't fight back when I have the great fat Hero of Winds squishing me," Layla gasped before Link released her.

With one of his doofiest smiles yet, Link thrust his alcoholic pint of orange juice in the air.

"Upon this holy and delicious beverage, I hereby swear to beat the crap out of those nasty little punks and lead my daughter to victory!"

Marth, Roy, and Y.L., vaguely understanding the stakes of this mission, all jumped out of their seats and cheered, "We'll help, too!"

Which also effectively scattered the remainder of the sticky juice on the table.

"You'll be fine Layla. With us on the watch, tomorrow's tournament will be a piece of cake," Roy exclaimed (while boasting a dribbling, juice covered face).

"Gee, thanks guys, bu-"

"DODOITAITISHISHIMAMASHITE!"

* * *

**Trans. : (You're welcome.)**


End file.
